After all, we humans are smart, right? And mindful? We would never neglectfully rob someone of their vision by aiming a way-too-fucking-bright laser pointer into the face of a selfless volunteer who was donating her time to help create the very event she got fucking blinded at, right?

Well that just shows how blinded by our faith in humanity we both are friend, because that shit actually fucking happened.* (But not like, 'everyday happened' - it just happened once or maybe a few times or something. This isn't the wild west... I mean, there's some similarities maybe, but it's pretty much mostly safe... There's no guns at least. Or horses. Did you know more people are injured by horses each year than by laser pointers? That's probably true, I bet.)

Statistical horse tangents aside, the laser-wielding barbarian in question was probably a mile away from the undeserving volunteer and still has no clue he/she injured someone. But this only serves to underline how careful we need to be with this increasingly cheap and powerful technology.

Here are some safety tips regarding lasers (the handheld variety of which are now banned at Burning Man because, as it turns out, humans are not the creatures of consideration and caution they were once believed to be):

1) These are not your grandmother's lasers!

As the technology has evolved, more powerful lasers have become cheaper and more accessible.

This means any jerk with a credit card can buy a weaponized beam of light from their local internet.

2) The increased accessibility means that people with no training and little knowledge of the force have become virtual Sith Lords, accidentally bringing random passerby over to the dark side with a flick of the wrist.

3) "But where CAN I point my over-powered fucking lasers," you ask?

3a) Definitely DO NOT point them:

- At people (and an extra DEFINITELY NOT at people wearing glasses)

- At or near eye-level in any direction

- At a mirror, reflective surface, or disco ball

- At a thin fabric or transparent material

- At the sky (the dangers of causing a plane to kamikaze into Firefly are real!**)

3b) Definitely DO point your laser:
- At a place where no person will pass in front of

- At the ground

- Aimed at a stationary object from a sturdily mounted position

4) Here's a chart of laser strength classifications for your amusement!

- Class I: Basically fine. Probably no one even owns these.

- Class II: <1mW laser. Also Basically fine. You will blink before it does damage. Just don't stare into it searching for your soul - it's not in there, man.

- Class III: (IIIa and IIIb) <5mW lasers. These are the lasers we are primarily worried about, and particularly the 532nm green pointers.

Due to the inefficient energy conversion method that creates the beam, it is difficult to accurately label the strength of these lasers. A "5mW" laser can actually put out far more (both visible AND invisible) light energy than labeled.
The more powerful among these can blind a person in <10 milliseconds. Want to guess how fast you can blink?

- Class IV: >500mW lasers. You probably shouldn't even own (or operate) one of these if you're not certified. These will blind you and can even burn your skin.

Congratulations!

You have completed Officer Eyecare's junior laser safety training!
You are now certified in nothing at all! Please do not be an asshole with a laser pointer! I know laser pointers are like assholes - everyone's got one - but please try to only wield one at a time.

**You could possibly be arrested for this:
http://www.laserpointersafety.com/laser-hazards_aircraft/laser-hazards_aircraft.html