(for immediate release. subject: MEDICAL PSA #1: REVIEW!)
Last year, Firefly Medical Legion (FML) provided heartfelt and insightful
educational material to gently guide you through the potential hazards
of surviving a weekend in the New England woods surrounded by half-mad,
fully-naked hippies worshiping glowing obelisks, and fully-mad, but
half-naked, apocalypse fetishists juggling flaming spheres on chains.
This year will be no different.
First,
we will take time to review the threats to past generations of Firefly,
so that we may avoid such grisly fates as "death by falling tree."
(Remember that shit?* That was fucking crazy...)
Among the
most important information distributed last year were instructions on
what the fuck to fucking do if someone you fucking know (or don't even
fucking know) is fucking dying all over the fucking place.
For ease of use, we've simplified this down to two easy steps:
Step 1: Calm the fuck down.
Step 2: Radio for Medical!
Radios can be found in the following locations:
- On a Ranger!
- At Ranger HQ! (Conveniently located next to the FML station!)
- Probably at Sanctuary maybe!
- On a Medical Volunteer!
If you think you need 911, COME SEE MEDICAL FIRST!
This is because:
- We know all kinds of tricks to help keep you alive while you wait 30+ minutes for an ambulance to arrive.
- Maybe you don't even need 911 after all! Maybe FML might stock a perfectly sized band-aid for your knife wound!
- No one wants a surprise visit from emergency response (potentially including ambulance services, firefighters, police, etc...)
*No one has died (yet) from a tree falling on them at Firefly.
Trees are big and heavy, though! I bet you'd die if one landed on you. Just sayin'.
Another topical PSA from last year focused on ticks and Lyme, wherein we discussed prevention and vigilance:
1. Dress prudent like a Puritan!