****hi guys!please send this one out at 2pm on wednesday!* *thank you!**** FUCKING EMERGENCIES OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you, a friend, relative, ex-boyfriend, acquaintance, or even someone you've never met before is dying, please come find a Blue Dot. Where the fucking bloody fucking hell fuck am I going to find a Blue Dot, my fucking friend is dying right now, you ask? Blue Dots can be found with any official Firefly radio (also known in some regional dialects as a "Walkie-Talkie"), which means you can reach out and touch us anywhere, anytime! RADIOS CAN BE FOUND AT THE FOLLOWING LOCATIONS: 1) Rangers! Any wandering Ranger will have a magic radio on their person which they can rub to summon a Blue Dot who will grant you 3 wishes! 3 fucking wishes! 2) Ranger HQ! There are radios at Ranger HQ! Granted, most of them may be charging but at least 1 will be in working order... hopefully! Ranger HQ is at the intersection of Mercurial and Verdant. 3) Ranger Annex! There will be a 2nd (and thus secondary) Ranger Outpost behind Sanctuary, at the top of the hill behind steam bath. So come on by in your time of emergent need, stop by the steam bath* along the way, and then give us a call. We'd love to hear from you! *neither steam bath camp, the blue dots, nor the rangers recommend or condone dying in the steam bath. please do your dying elsewhere, k thx. 4) Theme Camps! Some of the bigger theme camps will have a radio at their location, in the vicinity of their DJ booth and equipment. Those theme camps include: Diode Carnivore Carnivale (aka Meat Camp) Totenkitten and Camp Lamp Are you dying? Just follow the untz-untz-untz to the nearest radio. It should be really easy to hear the responding lead ranger (AKA Kahki) when you're standing right next to the speakers! NEED TO CALL 911? If you believe you need 911, please call the Blue Dots. We are your first responders and will help you out with that whole dying thing. This is for a handful of reasons: 1) The Blue Dots can start treatment before 911 arrives. Not breathing? Want to not breath for 20 minutes while you wait for 911? Bleeding to death? Want to bleed to death for 20 minutes while you wait for 911? The Blue Dots are set-up with resources to handle your issues. Utilize us! We get the job done. We will help you. 2) We can assist you down the hill so that you are at the location 911 will arrive. This is much preferable to EMTs lugging you down a muddy hill on a hand-carried stretcher for 15 minutes. On top of that, no EMT in Vermont is going to know where your tent in the fern patch up the hill from Diode is. 3) We can notify Kirk and the board that 911 has been called. It's hard to imagine a universe where a surprise visit from an ambulance, fire truck, and/or the police would be a pleasant experience. ALSO, we would like to be at the gate to greet and assist emergency response in their efforts to assist us. 4) Maybe you don't actually need to go to the hospital! Wouldn't that be fucking rad? Who in their 'right' mind wants to leave paradise to go sit in a flourescently-lit emergency room for 5 hours in a muddy tutu and smeared face paint? The Blue Dots have resources. We will help you breathless. We will help your flipping brains out. We will help the fuck out of you. Our number's on all the bathroom stalls' bathroom walls. Call us, maybe? ;)